in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
