3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
