so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
