just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i out mim tonsoeep
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