You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
