Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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