i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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