yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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