I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She said her name was "party"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize