so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
