hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
