Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
