Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
