My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
