You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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