I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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