In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
