I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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