Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
