I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
