You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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