Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
