I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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