I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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