we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
