You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize