i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
