her vagine was all disorganized.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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