I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
