fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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