____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
