so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
