Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
