I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
