Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
