I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
