Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
