yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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