I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
