i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
