Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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