Can Purell be used as lube?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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