3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
