i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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