why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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