You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
