Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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