I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
