I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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