Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
where does the pee come out of this thing
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
