I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
