He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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