Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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