I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
