where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
