i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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