The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I will be naked everywhere
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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