I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
