I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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