So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So vagazzling was a success
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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