Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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