i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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