I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
