she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
