sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
