There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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