So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
