We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
