My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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