please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
