you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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