Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
